Moving to a new country is often romanticised — a fresh start, new adventures, discovering a different culture. But the reality is, for many of us, it also brings something far more difficult: loneliness.
Not just the “I haven’t made friends yet” kind. But the deep, disorienting loneliness of being unknown.
Starting Over in a New Place
Whether you've moved for love, work, or a better life for your family, settling into a new country can feel like pressing reset on your social life.
Suddenly, the things that anchored you — your favourite café, a quick call to a friend, bumping into someone who just gets you — are gone.
You might find yourself wondering:
How do I make friends as an adult? Is it too late to build a new circle? Will I ever feel at home here?
Why Adult Friendships Are So Tricky
As kids, friendship was often just proximity and shared crayons. As adults, it takes intentionality. Everyone is busy. Most people already have their social circles. And when you're also navigating a new language, new customs, and maybe even a bit of homesickness — it’s easy to feel like an outsider.
Plus, there's something uniquely vulnerable about saying:
“Hi, I’m new here. I don’t really know anyone. Would you like to get coffee sometime?”
It can feel awkward. Exposed. Risky.
But it's also incredibly brave.
What Helps
Here are some gentle reminders and suggestions if you’re feeling the weight of loneliness in a new place:
1. You’re Not the Only One
There are more people than you think feeling the exact same way — especially in international cities. Many are just waiting for someone else to make the first move.
2. Start Small & Show Up
Friendship often begins with consistency, not intensity. Join a weekly language group, fitness class, or parent meetup — even if you don’t feel ready to “network.” Just showing up builds familiarity.
3. Lean Into Your Interests
Whether it's art, hiking, cooking, or spirituality — joining a group that aligns with your values helps you meet people in a setting that already feels meaningful.
4. Don’t Underestimate Online Communities
Instagram, Meetup, Facebook groups, or even local WhatsApp groups can be amazing ways to find like-minded souls. Follow people you admire locally — you might be surprised how many welcome a DM.
5. Let Friendship Be Slow
You don’t need to become best friends in a week. Allow connections to build over time. Deep roots take time to grow.
One Connection Can Change Everything
You don’t need a huge circle to feel at home. Sometimes, just one genuine friendship can shift the whole experience — someone to share a coffee with, vent to on a tough day, or explore your new city alongside.
If you’re in this season right now: I see you. And you’re not alone.
Keep showing up, even when it feels hard. Keep being open, even when it feels awkward. Your people are out there — and they’ll be so lucky to find you.
Have you felt this way before?
I’d love to hear your experience of moving somewhere new, starting over, or finding friendship again as an adult. Leave a comment or send me a message — I always love hearing from you.
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