Most of us can handle a heavy workload. What drains people is the emotional load that comes from working with a manager who makes you feel on edge. The kind who micromanages every step. Or speaks in a way that leaves you second guessing yourself. Or shifts expectations so often that your nervous system never gets a break.
If you recognise that, you’re not weak or sensitive. You’re reacting like any normal human would when the power dynamic feels unpredictable.
Here’s what actually helps.
Get clear on what you’re feeling
Most people jump straight into problem solving. Before you do that, pay attention to what’s happening inside you. Is it tension in your chest when they talk? Do you feel defensive before the conversation even starts? Naming your emotional state gives you a bit of space, and that space is what stops you from spiralling.
Separate the person from the pattern
A difficult manager is usually running their own pattern. Sometimes it’s perfectionism. Sometimes insecurity. Sometimes they were trained in a culture where pressure was seen as “leadership.” When you can see the pattern, it becomes less personal. You stop carrying all of the blame.
Don’t guess their expectations. Clarify them
Ambiguity creates anxiety. The more uncertain you feel, the more power they hold. Ask direct, simple questions.
What’s the priority for this week?
What does a good outcome look like for you?
Where do you want updates?
This keeps the interaction practical instead of emotional.
Bring conversations back to facts
If they criticise you in a vague way, ground it.
What’s an example of that?
What would you like to see instead?
Facts are neutral. Neutral cuts through drama.
Know your body’s stress tells
When someone triggers you, you will feel it before you think it. Tight shoulders. Fast breathing. Shutting down. Noticing the physical response is the first step in staying regulated during difficult interactions. You don’t need to change anything yet. Just notice.
Set small boundaries that don’t create conflict
Boundaries don’t need to be big speeches. They can be simple habits.
Sending summaries after meetings so everyone is aligned.
Blocking one hour a day where you are not available for instant responses.
Asking for realistic timelines upfront.
These micro boundaries build confidence and reduce chaos.
Get support from the right people
Talk to peers who understand the culture. Speak to HR if things escalate. You don’t need to figure out the whole relationship on your own. Difficult managers often improve the moment there is visibility around the issue.
Remember what you can control
You can control your clarity, your boundaries, your emotional awareness, and your communication. You cannot control their behaviour. Knowing the difference protects your energy.
If this feels familiar and you want to unpack it with support, you’re welcome to book a session.
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